Some changes do more than interrupt your plans. They shake the way you see yourself.
A marriage ends. Illness changes what your body can do. A career dream slips away. Someone you trusted disappoints you. When several of those changes happen over time, it is natural to ask: Who am I now?
I have asked that question in more than one season of my life. I asked it when illness interrupted my plans, after brain surgeries changed my strength and daily life, when my nursing dream was cut short, and again when a marriage of nearly forty years came to an end.
The answer came slowly, through faith, family, writing, and the decision to stop measuring myself only by what I had lost.
You Are More Than the Roles You Carry
For years, I wore many roles with love. Wife. Mother. Supporter. Caregiver. Church worker. Business partner. Friend. Those roles mattered, but they were never the whole of me.
That became clearer after divorce. When a relationship has shaped decades of your life, its ending changes routines, plans, friendships, traditions, and the future you imagined.
During my healing, my children gave me words that stayed with me: “Mom, it’s OK! Now you no longer have to live in Dad’s shadow; you will have your own shine.”
They were reminding me that I had an identity of my own all along.
When a Dream Ends, Purpose Does Not
Long before divorce, I had already learned how quickly life could change direction.
I returned to school in New York to pursue nursing. Then a seizure led to the discovery of a brain tumor. Surgery, radiation, and recovery interrupted the future I thought I was about to enter. Later, more brain surgeries followed.
That kind of loss makes you grieve both what happened and what might have been.
For a time, I saw in Finally Got My Ssshh…OUT!!: Finding My Voice, the nursing dream as another shattered plan. Later, I learned that a changed route does not mean a wasted life. The faith and persistence built through those years remained with me.
A scar can change your body without reducing your value. A closed door can change your direction without cancelling your purpose.
Start With What Is Still Yours
When life changes, the mind can become an accountant of losses. The marriage is gone. The old routine is gone. The career did not happen. The body is different.
Grief deserves honesty. But recovery also asks: What remains?
My faith remained. My children remained. True friends remained. My ability to write remained. Even when my voice was weakened, the need to tell the truth was still there.
Writing had been part of me since childhood. Returning to it was not about inventing a new identity. It was about reconnecting with something God had placed in me long before the hardest chapters arrived.
Confidence Can Be Rebuilt
After repeated surgeries, there were times when I looked in the mirror and saw scars, weakness, and a version of myself I did not recognise. Recovery involved slow steps, prayer, and accepting that survival does not always look polished.
Confidence is not pretending you are untouched. It is looking at what you survived without allowing it to become the full definition of who you are. A scar tells you something happened. It does not tell you that you are worth less.
When Life Says Recalculating
One image I use in the memoir is a GPS rerouting after an obstruction. That image became personal because life recalculated my route many times.
Illness recalculated it. Family responsibilities recalculated it. Broken relationships recalculated it. Divorce recalculated it.
A reroute can feel like failure when you are attached to the road you expected to travel. But I learned that the road and the destination are not always the same thing. God can redirect the route without abandoning the purpose.
Starting over means trusting that an unfamiliar road can still lead somewhere meaningful.
Your Voice Is Part of Your Identity
As I discussed in my Christian self-help book, “For many years, I sometimes mistook silence for strength. There were moments when silence was wise. There were other moments when it kept me from admitting how much I was hurting.
Reclaiming my identity required reclaiming my voice.
After my divorce, I reached a point where I could finally say, “This ending was never meant to bury me. It was meant to birth me.”
That sentence came from release, not denial. The marriage mattered. The losses mattered. The memories mattered. But they did not have the right to become the final definition of my life.
You can celebrate what was good, grieve what was painful, and still keep moving.
So if life has changed everything, permit yourself to ask who you are now. Return to the gifts that still feel like home. Let faith steady you when the next step is unclear.
Your story may have been rerouted, but it is not over. You are still becoming.
13 Responses
I enjoyed reading this phenomenal memoir it was so powerful and encouraging to read. I loved how it spoke about keeping the faith and never giving up. You have persevered and is still standing strong .
Your resilience is so amazing. You have a marvelous testimony!!
You are truly a role model and an amazing mom!
Thank you so much for these beautiful words! ❤️ It means more to me than you know. If there is one message I hope readers carry away from my story, it is exactly what you mentioned, keep the faith, keep going, and never give up, even when life gets difficult.
And hearing you call me a role model and an amazing mom? That touched my heart in a very special way. ❤️ Thank you for reading, for encouraging me, and for celebrating this journey with me. 🌻🙏🏽
Lorna
The relationship we maintained over the years as siblings, has given me a front row seat as you maneuvered through the different stages of your experience. Your strength, determination and resilience has given me the assurance that “It’s not over until it’s over.
KEEP ON “SHHH OUTING” You are changing lives.
Having someone who has had a “front row seat” to so many chapters of my life say this means more than you know. ❤️ You’ve seen some of the struggles behind the story, not just the words that eventually made it onto the pages.
“It’s not over until it’s over” is certainly a message I’ve had to live more than once! Thank you for believing in me, encouraging me, and reminding me that sharing our stories can help someone else keep going.
And yes… I plan to KEEP ON “SHHH OUTING!” 😂🌻❤️
It takes enormous strength to “Get back up again, and again” It’s so good to see that you keep finding that strength & resilience Sis! You are always in my heart & prayers!
Thank you, Sis! ❤️ Sometimes “getting back up again” is the victory itself. I’ve learned that strength doesn’t always mean we never fall, it means, with God’s help, we find the courage to rise again.
Thank you for keeping me in your heart and prayers. Please know that means so much to me, and I’m sending that same love right back to you. 🙏🏽❤️🌻
Thanks for being strong. This helps me to not give up when adversities appear. Your words remind us to keep going and allow our lights to ahine.
Thank you! ❤️ Knowing that something I shared encourages you to keep going through your own adversities means so much to me. We all have moments when our light feels a little dim, but we can keep moving forward one day, one step, and one prayer at a time.
Keep going, and yes… keep allowing your light to shine! 🌻🙏🏽
A Beautiful Story of Courage, Faith, and Survival
This is a deeply moving and beautifully written blog of a woman (who I’m blessed to call sister). She faced two of life’s greatest challenges at the same time-serious illness and divorce yet somehow found the strength to survive them both.
What makes her story so powerful is that she does not present herself as someone who had everything figured out. She was afraid, overwhelmed, and facing an uncertain future, but amidst all of the uncertainty she forged her way through and now stands as a testimony to ladies who face similar circumstances.
Sis, these words touch me deeply—especially coming from you. ❤️ You know more than most that I didn’t walk through those seasons with everything figured out. There were moments of fear, uncertainty, and simply not knowing what came next. I just kept moving forward, trusting God one step at a time.
And there’s something else that makes your comment especially meaningful: you were one of the voices that helped inspire me to tell this story in the first place. 🌻 What began as encouragement to share became Finding My Voice, and I will always be grateful for that.
If my journey can now help another woman facing her own seemingly impossible circumstances believe that she, too, can make it through, then sharing it was worth it.
Thank you, Sis, for being part of the story behind the story. ❤️🙏🏽🌻
This account of Lorna’s journey really brought me to tears. I’ve always looked at her life as polished, and exemplary. I had no clue of the aches and pains she endured, mentally, physically, and emotionally. The experiences never tarnished who she has always been. In fact, those experiences polished her life in such a way that made her shine as the diamond that she is.
I love this lady dearly and wish for her a brighter life in the years ahead.
My dear brother, this touched me deeply. ❤️ It’s amazing how even those closest to us can see the polished exterior without always knowing what it took to keep standing behind the scenes. Perhaps that is one of the reasons I finally needed to tell my story.
I especially love your thought that the experiences didn’t tarnish me, but instead helped with the polishing. What a beautiful way to look at the difficult seasons of life. I believe God can use even the things meant to break us to shape us into something stronger, wiser, and more compassionate.
Thank you for loving me through all the years and for wishing brighter days ahead for me. I love you dearly too, my brother and I’m looking forward to every bit of that brightness! ❤️🙏🏽🌻